The Single Girl Rant

Sometimes, being single gets old. When you hit your late twenties, if you’re not in a relationship, people seem to think something is actually wrong with you. Like the fact that you haven’t settled down yet indicates you’re damaged, or completely insane.The picture above is of a card that one of my single girlfriends sent me, and it perfectly sums up our struggle with dating.

I haven’t been in a serious relationship for over two years. In those two years, I have had the pleasure, and horror, of dating all kinds of kinds. There’s been good, and bad. Healing and hurtful. I even got to experience the first breakup after the heartbreak of my ex.

So, here are some highlights from my dating adventures over the last couple of years; may they bring all of the single women out there comfort and entertainment.  

Jimmy Neutron: I met him at the Stagecoach festival in 2012. For all of you who don’t know it, that’s the country music version of Coachella. Aka: one of the most awesome experiences of my life. He was tall, super smart (like Jimmy Neutron), handsome, polite, and had his shit together. Before he kissed me for the first time, he asked permission. I hadn’t seen that kind of respect, like, ever. Geographical distance and life circumstances kept us too far apart to ever get serious, but to this day I still think of him whenever Eric Church’s Springsteen comes on the radio.

The Psycho: This guy, unsatisfied with our platonic, years-long friendship, took his obsession with me so far as to attempt to pull off an elaborate catfish scheme. He operated under the ruse that he had a best buddy (who was traveling abroad) that would be my perfect match. The friend that he was “setting me up with” was actually him the whole time, disguised under fake Skype names and email accounts. It was elaborate.The sad part was, it worked. Until I figured it out. He manipulated my trust in the worst kind of way, and my mind is still blown at the lengths this psycho went to. It’s a special kind of insane I hope to never witness again. The silver lining: while traumatic at the time, this experience has made me stronger and a whole lot smarter. Added bonus: I can laugh about it now

Bunny. I met this gem on an Easter and it lasted nearly a year. On the day we met he was dressed in…wait for it…a Giant. Pink. Bunny. Suit. What can I say? It was a challenge and a gimme at the same time. The bigger challenge turned out to be getting this guy to show up, emotionally and physically. It was the most laid-back relationship I have ever been in. Luckily, it catered to my independence at a time in my life where I wasn’t prepared to be dedicated to anyone but myself. When he decided a boys’ trip to Vegas on Valentine’s Day was more important than spending any amount of time together…it was time to say a final buh-bye. Even I wasn’t cool enough to handle that one.

The Lawyer. Perfect on paper, I thought this guy could be “it”. We had a few fabulous first dates. This guy was good at heart, but I felt that he might have me on the fast-track to wife and I wasn’t sure if he liked me or the idea of me

The Tinder Fail. Okay, I admit it, I got desperate and tried Tinder. Well, desperate really isn’t the best word for it. Curious and bored are better adjectives. During one of my “to hell with it” moments, I agreed to a date with someone a few years my junior, who was in the area for some Air Force training. Let’s go ahead and check the yes box on the following red flags: younger than me, military, smooth talking, and selfie-loving. We spent an entire day together- this guy really came with the A-game on the charming front. Well, something just seemed weird to me about how throughout the day he was hot and cold. He would come on strong, then be obsessed with making sure I wasn’t going to get too attached and that I knew he was leaving. So, when I got home, I searched him on Facebook. What did I find? IN A RELATIONSHIP. With a very nice(and competent) looking blonde girlfriend. Asshole. Don’t ask me why I wasn’t smart enough to check him out before the date- suffice to say lesson learned and Tinder account deleted.  

What have I learned from all of this? Well, firstly, dating apps aren’t for me. Also, I learned how to be comfortable with just dating. Having fun, spending time with a new person, and getting to know them without wondering if they are my knight-in-shining-armor(see photo at top of post). I learned how to ask the right questions in order to avoid catastrophe and heartbreak later on down the road. Also, I now have an arsenal of pick-me-ups for any girlfriend that has a bad dating experience. After all, isn’t that what friends are for?

Do you have any dating tales or woes you would like to share here?

xoxo

Sarah

 

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22 thoughts on “The Single Girl Rant

  1. Yeah I mean, I’m 24 but I’m already feeling the criticism–and it’s not like I’m trying to be single! When I was in high school and would say I guessed it would come in college and in college, I guessed it would come after I got my first job. People always used to laugh and say I was being dramatic–it would happen. Now they smile uncomfortably because they think I’m way too old to have never had a real boyfriend. So yeah, that pressure’s there from me and the world lol, but at least I’m not judging myself–just hoping and actively pursuing a change!

    Sometimes it just doesn’t happen super fast … at least, that’s what I’m hoping anyway …

    Good luck! 🙂

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  2. Just give up… That’s what I did, and I’m pleased to report that Netflix and a gym membership make a great substitute for a girlfriend…. Really…

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  3. Oh man. This post. Amazing. You’re so awesome!! Ha – what a riot. Love the nicknames – and by just reading them I knew EXACTLY who you are talking about 🙂 Love you girl. Perhaps we just say screw dating, have a dog farm (bc I will NOT be a cat lady) and garden all day lol. Nicely done

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  4. I have an entire blog dedicated, sadly, to these tales (well, with some other stuff peppered in as well). I’m 40 and single for a year and people say with surprise “why are you still single” and I ask if they’ve ever online dated…those that have, totally understand 🙂

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  5. I had a lot of fun dating in my 20s (found 1st husband at 30; divorced [no kids] by 37. Now with second husband 14 yrs, we met online.)

    Those guys included a sailor on a Tall Ship (who later, happily, found me on LinkedIn and had made it his career); an actor (shriek) who took me camping but forgot a knife and matches; a gorgeous blue-eyed engineer working in Khartoum (we reconnected on LinkedIn but he refused to answer me personally…WTF?) and a dishy French-Lebanese man named Patrick. I regret none of them (cue Edith Piaf).

    It can take a while to figure out what really makes you happy in the long term vs cute/fun/smart/sexy, which works wonders in your 20s…My first husband (a handsome, clarinet playing MD who makes $$$$$$$) was perfect on paper — but walked out on me after 2 yrs of marriage and promptly married his “best friend” from work. My second is so different from him (and me) but adores me and I am lucky and grateful.

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    • This was a wonderful comment! Your experiences are entertaining and special, thank you for sharing! It really is comforting to hear from other women that they have experienced the same thing I am going through, and that it all works out in the end! I need to take a few notes out of your book, because your single days sound like fun! Thank you for reading, and for your feedback! I sincerely appreciate it!

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  6. I found your blog off the BlogHer post and will be following! Thank you for this – I just got out of a relationship, with my first boyfriend (and I’m the ripe old age of 27, lol).

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