The Big Experiment

Every morning my alarm goes off at 6:00 sharp.

I curse it, blink my eyes, and roll over to hug my dog. As I savor the last few moments snuggled up with him in my warm bed, I know that I can’t delay for too long. He is restless because in his world it is time for breakfast, and in my world it is time to get ready for work . With a sigh, I throw back the covers and get up to face the day.

Feed the pup. Wash the sleep off my face. Swipe on some makeup. Arrange my hair into something presentable. Dress. Quick walk for us both, then I shoot out the door and into my morning.

In this part of my life, I feel like I am constantly in process. In progress. In development. In growth. In pain. In joy. In bewilderment.

I am trying new things, and failing at many of these new things, and succeeding at a few of these new things, and mostly just experimenting with no clue as to what I am actually really doing or aiming for.

Sometimes, I have to stop and marvel at how all of my life choices have brought me to this very moment that I am now in. It’s confusing and liberating and frustrating and astonishing that I have been able to come this far yet still, always, feel like I am not far enough.

When I really give pause, silencing all of the unnecessary noise in my mind long enough to relax and just be, I realize a simple truth: this life that I am living, my life that I have crafted for myself, is magic.

Absolute magic.

Some days, it’s nearly impossible to drag myself out of bed. I make up to-do lists and check-lists and not-yet-done lists in order to focus and refine and give my life direction. On other days, it’s difficult to even leave the office and head home because I am getting so much done. Project after project seems to be completing itself with very little effort on my part, and I feel satisfaction towards all that I have accomplished. On the better days, I can’t write down all of the ideas as quickly as they come to me and I vibrate with inspiration, energy and motivation. I know just who I am writing to and for and the possibilities are endless. On the worse days, I sit feeling empty, uninspired and like my writing will never go anywhere. I fear that I will not find and fulfill my greater purpose. On the absolute worst days I seriously question the point of it all in the first place. I doubt my very purpose’s existence.

Through it all, the magic remains. Day by day the experimenting continues. I forget about it sometimes, the magic, but it is still there. It waits patiently for me to embrace it again. The magic is floating around me, a gold iridescent cloud that I cannot see but I know is very real.

That’s what life is, one great big magnificent magical experiment. Our experiments demonstrate a brief but complete history of human trial and error, baptisms by fire, and doing the best we can. We make choices, take chances, place our bets, attempt to let go of regrets, and always try, try again.

At its best, our experimenting allows us to create something absolutely beautiful: groundbreaking new companies, clean energy, stunning art and architecture that survives through the centuries, gripping novels, children, love itself.

Life is nothing more and nothing less than One Big Experiment.

So, as I shoot out the door into my morning and to face yet another day, I ask…

“What can I create today?”.

Here’s to the good days, the sad days, the magical days, and everything in between.

xoxo

Sarah

 

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2 thoughts on “The Big Experiment

  1. My alarm IS the dog (lab) – and if I don’t show movement I get paws to the face! Then all hell breaks loose when the covers come off, she’s 12 and jumps around like she did when she was 2. Eats, then comes back and stares me down until I get back out of bed and start dressing to take her for a walk – then the jumping around starts again. Back from the walk and she passes out, snoring, and I am standing around going – well, I guess I better get the day started!

    Liked by 1 person

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