The Truth About Dating

I recently had dinner with a couple of girlfriends from college who have known me forever. Eventually, the topic of conversation turned to our love lives, which is pretty standard for close friends who haven’t seen each other in a good number of months.

One of us is newly married, one has been dating her boyfriend for a couple of years, and me? Well I’m doing the same thing I’ve been doing for awhile now. More or less treading water in the singles dating pool.

A portion of my friends is married or well on their way there, but it’s fair to say that just as many of my friends are in the same boat as I am. We have tried it all: free online dating platforms, online dating platforms you pay for, meeting people through friends, being set-up, the bar scene, swearing off the bar scene, blind dates, speed dating(which remains an open action item on my dating bucket list), friends-who-turn-into-something-more, reconnecting with past loves, giving up on dating entirely, and eventually arriving right back where we started. With renewed determination we throw ourselves back into it all, come hell or high water.

And just like the next single gal, I have a lot of interesting and entertaining stories about my dating adventures to share with anyone who asks.

The truth about dating in your late twenties is that you are coming into your prime. You’re not so slowly but surely approaching thirty and you’ve never felt so good. Your career is blossoming and your sense of self is more developed than it’s ever been. Your social calendar is full of whatever you want it to be full of. Whether that’s trying out new restaurants, bouncing around to your favorite workout classes, jetting off for the weekend to wherever for however long, sleeping in, not sleeping at all, or singing along to Taylor Swift at the top of your lungs on a Saturday night, your life is filled to the brim with you.

You don’t have anyone to answer to or check in with. You don’t have to give a second thought as to who you want to spend time with. You can go whichever direction the wind blows you next. Plus, speaking of online dating, you can go on as many dates as you humanly have the energy for. When it comes to the dating game you get to set the rules, play by them, or throw them out the window as you wish.

Life is pretty easy most of the time when you’re doing what you want when you want to do it. Another silver lining of being single is that however you choose to do it, dating makes you wiser. The people you meet teach you lessons about who you are and what you want. The experiences you have make you laugh and they make you cry and they can fill your heart up with hope. They also occasionally make you want to rip your hair out. Dating makes you feel everything on the spectrum of feelings, unexpectedly and deeply and more bravely than you thought yourself capable.

By the time you’ve been single for awhile in your late twenties, you’ve gained enough experience to know what you want. You’ve survived enough heartache to know just how grateful you’ll be when the really great thing comes along. You have triumphed over and discarded all of the disappointments, repeated letdowns, false starts and squashed dreams. You know that whether you are in or out of a relationship you can be happy.

But most of all, rather than it being depressing or a shameful or representative of failure, being single is liberating and empowering.

Being single is really just another of life’s phases; a life phase that needs to be embraced and cherished and taken advantage of. One day it will be gone and replaced by the next chapter. Single turns into in a relationship which is followed by engaged and then comes married and then arrives married with babies and no time to wash my hair.

At this point, it’s important to embrace single for all of its worth; to relish in it and appreciate it and develop your sense of self throughout it. All single is is a fleeting phase within a chapter that is writing itself. What’s the big rush anyway? Enjoy the moment and live your story.

The truth about dating is that you’ve finally learned that your self-worth and capacity for self-love come from within and it’s all really not such a very big huge deal anymore. You take it as it comes.

And then on one seemingly ordinary day and completely without warning, someone will come along who will put you right back in the ring. Sooner rather than later you’ll be fighting for your next shot at love with everything you’ve got. It’ll be a beautiful time full of hope, perhaps a little anxiety, and overwhelmingly full with the power of possibility. On that day, everything will change. Because when good things happen, they happen quickly.

Don’t believe me? You’ll see. Until then, don’t be afraid to kiss a few frogs on your journey to finding your fairy tale prince. The beauty lies in the experiences you are having, not the end result. Whatever life phase you are in, appreciate it. 

xoxo

Sarah

10 Dating Mistakes We Need To Stop Making

Every so often, I like to lament on the challenges of dating as a twenty-something.

For women and men alike, finding a partner is difficult. Historically for me, the most taxing part of dating has been putting myself out there again and again, only to be disappointed. As a woman in her late twenties, finding someone who is on the same page as me has been frustratingly elusive. Either they want absolutely nothing to do with commitment, or they want the wedding planned by June.

Please oh please can I just find somebody who wants the same things as me who isn’t completely insane and is capable of monogamy and who has their crap together and who is kind and funny and at least kinda good looking and at least a little bit taller than me and who likes dogs and is capable of being a good boyfriend?

I know, steep order.

In The Single Girl Rant and 10 Things Women Don’t Want to Hear About, I discussed some dating blunders and noteworthy experiences. I think it’s time again to make a list of Dating Don’ts, that either I have done or have been done to me, so I can say I did my small part to get it out there. Here we go…

10 Dating Mistakes We Need To Stop Making

1. Talking to our exes. You broke up for a reason. Being “friends” with an ex is messy and practically impossible to maintain without complications. There are some exceptions, but they are few and far between. Don’t make your current love interest deal with your past. Here’s an adult word we should all employ the use of: boundaries. Set them. Use them. Respect them.

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2. Flaking. If you set a date, keep it. If you say you will meet at 8pm, then be there at 8pm. This also applies to: not suddenly dropping off the face of the earth mid-text conversation with no apology or explanation, being sure to follow up on tentative date plans, and texting/calling when you say you are going to. I stick to my word, and you stick to yours. Kapish?

3. Keeping our options open. You know the deal- you’ve started dating someone new but still have an old flame on the back burner in case things don’t work out. The problem with this is it keeps you emotionally unavailable and lays a foundation based on dishonesty. Why wouldn’t you want to give your new relationship its best shot? Keeping your options open is just a fuzzy form of infidelity. If you are looking for a committed relationship, act like it. When you meet someone great, use that block function on your phone. You won’t be sorry.

4. Being so self-absorbed. I feel like we are always trying to sell ourselves, and this translates strongly into our dating life. The best dates are ones where you get to know each other and the conversation is equal, rather than just one party using up all of the oxygen in the room. Ask questions. Be interested. Be present.

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5. Cell phones. When you’re on a date, don’t be on your phone. This seems like a gimme, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen a date whip out his phone mid conversation at the dinner table. I get it, I am as addicted to my cell phone as the next Millennial, but it can wait.

6. Dodging the Question. What do you want? That’s a question we all need to get more comfortable with answering. If you want a committed relationship, then don’t be afraid to say that when someone asks what you are looking for. It’s not shameful to want a relationship. If you want to focus on yourself and keep it casual, then say that. It isn’t callous to not desire commitment. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. If we improve on our communication, we will find what we are looking for a whole lot faster.

7. Looking for flaws. Absolutely nobody is perfect. It’s all about figuring out the right fit for you. We can’t expect people to never mess up, but we can expect them to be decent human beings. It’s finding something in between the two extremes that’s the trick.

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8. Being Impatient. I think that the best relationships develop organically and progress naturally at their own rate. Expecting to hang out x times a week or talk x times a day puts unnecessary constraints and expectations on your relationship. Each relationship dynamic is unique, and you have to go with it. Just be patient and trust the process.

9. Rape Kissing. Just because you are on a date does NOT mean you have to kiss at the end. If we do not: lean in, make eye contact, maintain eye contact, or give you any sign whatsoever that we want to be kissed- WE ARE NOT READY! Like stated above, things need to develop naturally. There are no rules about when kissing (or anything else) is right, you have to feel it! Make sure your partner is on the same page and is sending you the right cues.

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10. Putting love on a pedestal. Finding something great takes time, but it certainly isn’t impossible. Love isn’t some puzzle you have to solve. It isn’t something to chase down and catch. When the right person comes along you will know, and it will be awesome. The sooner you learn to stop looking at love as something perfect and unobtainable, the more free you will be.

Dating is hard. Being is a relationship is hard. It’s all hard. So, try your best to look at the bright side of everything!

xoxo

Sarah

Ambition, Hustling, and Finding Purpose

Success

One of the most powerful things we can do is to decide what we want. To do this, we must get to know ourselves. What makes us tick? What fulfills us? What do we want our lives to look like in five, ten, or twenty years?

We must take a stand in our beliefs, choose our path, own our choices, and then pray that it all works out as beautifully as we hope it will. Find our purpose and follow it- without fear, regret, or hesitation.

Here is what I know about my purpose: the peak moment of my life will not be the day that I walk down the aisle. My marriage will not define me, and it will not be the bar by which I measure my happiness. Do not get me wrong- that day, when it comes, will be one of earth-shattering happiness. But the most significant moment of my life will not be captured in my wedding photos.

The achievements which will define me, those that will mark the most significant moments of my lifetime, will not be contingent upon my relationship status.

Secure my dream job. Publish my first book. Work with other women; empower them and inspire them. Walk with a self-knowledge, a confidence, and a grace learned through life experiences that have challenged me and strengthened me. Help to make the world a better place. These are what I imagine, and dearly hope, some of my most significant achievements will be.

There will be other moments too. Miracles which I haven’t even begun to consider, dream of, or factor into my schedule. These moments will take my breath away with surprise, and happiness. Some of the most monumental and special things in life are those that you never spot coming.

I am not the woman whose future revolves around planning a family or worrying about her ticking biological clock. It is true that I am in my late twenties, unattached, and want children someday, but today those are merely considerations. They do not give me pause. I am a woman who places greater importance on professional ambition than husband hunting. You see, I want to be truly and wildly authentic in anything and everything that I do, and I want to give all of myself to my work and to my daydreams.

To be honest, I am way too busy hustling. I am too preoccupied with making my dreams into a reality to worry about those things that I, confidently, believe will come into my life at the exact moment they are supposed to. And not a second before.

I spend the majority of any free time I have obsessing over work or writing. Any extra head space immediately gravitates towards pushing myself to achieve my goals- and then when I meet them I am spinning up new ones. I can never sit idly, it must be a constant progression. A new day, a new idea, a new dream, and a new to-do list to help get me to where I am going.

Try. Fail. Try again. Fail again. Try some more. Succeed. Repeat the process.

Do I experience doubt about my choices? Absolutely. I worry that I perhaps I should be more concerned about the lack of a husband or a boyfriend or my aging eggs. I hold immense respect for those women who are my age and already have established a family. Stay at home moms are incredible, and I think they have one of the toughest jobs imaginable. I applaud them and all that they do for their families. I know, without a doubt, that I could not do what they do.

However…engagement rings, wedding bells and babies? They don’t get my blood pumping. Career advancement, networking and writing? Now you have my attention. I am not saying I don’t sometimes fantasize about the ring, the dress, and the children. I do. But these things don’t ignite a fire within me, and they are not my passion. I am not chasing them fervently like I am chasing my career ambitions.

Should I have a daughter someday, I want her to be capable of putting herself first, fiercely and unapologetically. I want her to find her happiness in whatever capacity she chooses, with the freedom to chase her purpose in life without doubt. I want her to understand that choosing career over family, or vice versa, does not make her cold, power hungry, or self-seeking. Her dreams will be her own, to be realized without judgement. 

If I cannot show her this behavior through my own actions, how could I ever hope that she would be able to carry it out for herself?

I am twenty-seven and just getting started. I am just beginning to develop and realize my own purpose. I have a lot of life to live, a lot of lessons to learn, and much to discover in the process. I am making the best choices I can for myself and embracing these decisions wholeheartedly, and I cannot wait to see where it all takes me.

If you would like to learn a little bit more about me, my choice in career, and what makes me tick, you can read my guest post on 20Somethings Blog here.

 xoxo

Sarah

Scratch That

When deciding on the content I share within this blog, sometimes it is difficult for me to make the judgment call as to what I disclose regarding my relationships. It’s a double-edged sword. On the one hand I created Twenty-Everything as a platform to share my journey and experiences as twenty-something figuring it all out, and for me at this point in my life that also involves dating. However, on the other hand, when things don’t go well in a current relationship, do I leave it alone or share it with my readers? How much do I expose?

The thing is…I promised myself that Twenty-Everything would be my safe place. I designed it to be a space in which I can be open and honest about who I am and what I am going through. It is my place to chronicle the triumphs, the tribulations, the breakthroughs, and the lessons learned. A place where I can be authentically and unapologetically me.

If I didn’t share about the breakups as well, I wouldn’t be staying true to the promise I made.

So, scratch that.

The story goes like this: after over two and half years of being single, I met somebody. I’ve dated since my last serious relationship, but nothing significant. During that time I hadn’t been emotionally ready, able to fully commit, and hadn’t even wanted to call any guy my boyfriend- but this was different. There were butterflies, and excitement, and hope, and feelings. So many feelings. The feelings were scary and amazing at the same time. He and I were open and honest in our communication, which felt wonderful and healthy. We discussed that a relationship was something we both wanted to pursue. I thought- wow, so this is what people mean when they say that when you meet the right person, you will just know.

So, we put a title on it. I was happy. I felt confident in the decision. I put faith in my feelings, my relationship, and in trying something new.

Too soon, my relationship was deteriorating in front of my very eyes. He wasn’t calling. He wasn’t texting. He was cancelling dates. Most importantly, he was breaking promises that he had made to me.  All of a sudden, where so much fulfillment had been before, I was left wanting. My needs weren’t being met. My boundaries weren’t being respected. My feelings weren’t being taken care of. And I was no longer happy.

So, scratch that.

The disbelief then follows. And anger. And sadness. And shame. Did I do something wrong? How did this happen?

I say it to myself all of the time: even the best laid plans, set with the best intentions, will go awry.

The truth is, I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t rush it. I was careful in my consideration of each step. I was open about my feelings. He and I made these decisions together, as partners and equals. I am not responsible for the fact that he wasn’t able to give what he originally thought he could to our relationship, and I respect him for admitting that. The truth of it is, simply, that we had to call it quits. And that feels a lot like failure.

Faced with this, I have two options. I can wallow in self-pity, or I can grow from it.

I choose growth. I choose to learn. I choose to let this empower me, not to drown me. I refuse to let this feed into my insecurities. I embrace it for what it was, an adventure. I was brave. So, so brave. I said yes to a new experience. I said yes to taking a leap of faith. I said yes to daring greatly.

I am incredibly proud that I let myself be vulnerable. I showed up emotionally. I was open, and honest, and did my best to set my fears aside. I embraced the possibility of something new with an unknown ending. I didn’t let the hurt from past relationships contaminate my new one. I trusted. I practiced patience. Most significantly, I allowed my heart to open up again. That is monumental for me.

This is progress. This is me living life to fullest. This is me taking chances, embracing the vulnerability, and sharing it all along the way. This is me developing into the woman I am meant to become.

For that, I am grateful beyond measure.

A heartfelt thank you to all of my friends and family that support me, day in and day out, and to my readers for allowing me to be just a little more fearless with every post I create. I couldn’t do it without you.

xoxo

Sarah

*Top photo via Pinterest

10 Things Women Don’t Want to Hear About

The dating world can be terrifying. First dates are tricky. Even the best of them have their fair share of awkward moments. There are just so many unknowns on a first date; the anticipation of how it will go, the potential to begin again, the excitement of getting to know someone who could possibly become important in your life.

Unless, of course, your date blabs too much about stuff he shouldn’t.

I’ve gathered some experiences from more than a few first dates to create a list of the top worst things that men can talk about, in general or too soon. Ten items makes for a short list when I have no shortage of good material, but these were pretty easy to discern as the ultimate don’ts.

10 Things Women Don’t Want to Hear About

1. Your ex. It’s a little ridiculous that we even have to go over this, because it seems like such an obvious thing not to bring up. Let us spell it out for you, we by no means ever want to hear about your ex-girlfriend, your ex-wife, or your ex-best friend that you were in love with. Additionally, we don’t want to hear about how you are still friends with any of the previously mentioned, how much you hate any of the previously mentioned, or how over any of the previously mentioned you are. By bringing up the ex, we only see how not over her you still are.

2. Your drunkalogues. No woman wants to hear about that one time you got so wasted that you (fill in the blank). We get it, drunk stories can be hilarious and show us that you are capable of having fun and living on the edge. But oh how quickly a story about how you were so drunk that one time leads to a description of you vomiting on your front porch (Yep, this is an example from a real first date!). Save these stories for once we have gotten to know you better, and give us time to believe in this responsible person you present yourself as.

3. That you’re not a cheater. If you feel the absolute need to declare this to us, it probably means you are one. If you really are someone who doesn’t stray, then your loyalty will become clear as we get to know you better. You don’t need to be the spokesperson for all the nice guys left out there. It’s reverse psychology, if you say you’re not one it makes us wonder if we need to worry that you are one.

4. About your bromances. You love your best guy friends. And we understand, because we love our best girlfriends. We read you loud and clear, you want us to know that you won’t give up your bromances for us. We would never expect you to, because we wouldn’t give up our female friendships for you either. It’s cute that you love them so much, really, but it also could spell trouble for us. If a guy is too into his bros, he might not be good at balancing time in a relationship. No woman wants to play second fiddle to her man’s best buds.

5. About how much money you make or all the important people you know. No matter how you present this information to us, it comes across as bragging. Bragging is a red flag for a huge ego and a whole mess of other issues. If you make a lot of money, that’s great for you. We can support ourselves. If you know a lot of really cool people and are super connected, that’s fabulous. However, we are never quite sure how to react to this information but would you like a cookie? usually comes to mind. Possibly the worst part of this mistake is that you begin to sound dishonest.

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6. Your feelings on strippers. Never, ever, is this a topic you want to bring up on a first date. Even if you are saying you can’t stand them, have never seen one, don’t even like lap dances, and/or any other lies you want us to believe…just stop. right. there. Once you mention strippers, we picture them all over you and now you’re screwed. Don’t try to play the hero and just leave it alone.

7.  Your two-a-days at the gym. Do you even lift, bro? News flash- we don’t care. Yeah, we want you to be fit and to lead an active lifestyle, but we don’t want your gym schedule to negate the possibility of spontaneity in our dating life. The gym should not be a place you’re spending four hours a day at, or something we might have to plan our schedule around.

8. Your relationship with your mother. Even if you have the best of intentions by telling us about you mother, it has the potential to give some really poor first impressions. If you are too close with her, she could be an interference in our relationship. If you hate her, there’s the possibility that you have trouble trusting and respecting women. It’s a complicated subject, and best left for a later time.

9. Compliments that fish for brownie points. Ladies, you know what I’m talking about here. The cheesy, awful lines that you know have been used on all the girls before you and are still in his rotation because they have at least a 75% success rate. For example: you are saying how rushed you were getting ready to go somewhere, and he says something like No way, you could never look bad. I’m sure you wake up looking that beautiful. Gag.

10. Your fervent desire for change in your life/career, with no plan to execute. If you’ve got a plan that’s great, if you’ve got a plausible plan then that’s even better. If all you’ve got is a burning hatred towards your life/job, we sure don’t want to hear about it. Save it, cause ain’t nobody got time for that!

Dating

Dating teaches us about what we want for ourselves, out of a partner, and arms us with good material to entertain our girlfriends with. If nothing less, a bad date can give us good perspective. Dating is hard. It’s always been hard, and it will continue to be hard until we find the one that sticks. The tricky part isn’t the dating itself, it’s the having fun with it while you kiss a few frogs along the way.

Do you have any dating don’ts, or dos, that you would like to add to this list? 

xoxo

Sarah

Somewhere In-between

“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” -Woody Allen

As a twenty-something, I often feel that I am trying to find a comfortable middle ground between making things happen and letting go. I firmly believe that the universe is working with me to help me achieve my biggest dreams, but sometimes I can’t help but wonder, exasperated, why the universe has to be so slow about it.

I am not a patient person. I want everything done on my schedule, in just the way I envision it, and I want it to happen nowI like things to be done quickly, efficiently, and I like the results to be sparkly, polished, and tied up with a pretty ribbon.

The hard and beautiful truth is that whatever I have planned is most likely not going to pan out the way I think it should. Life does not unfold on my terms, in my time, or in the way I dictate. Life happens on life’s terms, and I am working on accepting that that is exactly as it is supposed to be.

The truth is…sometimes my heart aches. It aches with longing for desired results, the sting of past mistakes, and the desire to know where my life will end up. My heart aches for the things I have not yet accomplished, the milestones I have not yet hit, and for the dreams I have not yet realized.

I watch as some of my closest friends are beginning to get married, with many more in long-term relationships, and I am still single. Please don’t confuse this comparison with some pitiful whining about how I’ll probably die alone- I don’t believe that to be true and I am incredibly happy at this point in my life. I love being single, appreciate my alone time, and it’s nice having only my own feelings to worry about. Most of the time. But, but, a very large part of me is not-so-patiently awaiting the moment I meet the man I will someday marry. Right now, however, I am content with the in-between.

I watch as friends advance in their careers; receiving promotions, celebrating significant work anniversaries, and earning their graduate degrees. I, conversely, am just entering mine. I have my foot in the door, and am focused on working my rear off to see progress and advancement in the coming years. However, my entry-level position rubs my own ego the wrong way. That is the honest truth. I am working diligently to get over this, and to get over myself. I love my job and the company I am working for, regardless of my position on the totem pole. I also would love, more than anything, to be able to go back to school to get my graduate degree. Unfortunately, I cannot fathom putting myself in that much debt from student loans when I am almost, almost, just above water. I am this close, and I am not willing to give that up right now. I have to remind myself that, in the end, the only person I have to prove I am better than is the person I was yesterday. It is not an easy task. That control freak in me wants to go faster. To be bigger. To be better.

This impatient characteristic of mine, it isn’t a positive one. It isn’t helpful, it isn’t encouraging, and it certainly isn’t helping me grow. This is where the letting go comes in. Letting go means turning it over to the universe, to faith in a God of my understanding, and relinquishing control with the belief that everything is going to turn out as it should. 

In the past, praying wasn’t something that I did. The only time I turned to prayer was to save my own skin; during moments when I was drowning in fear, hopelessness, and desperation. In making an effort to let go, and have faith in the universe during my difficulties, I began practicing prayer more often. Today, I am trying to let go rather than to control. Today, prayer is something I do throughout the day, but especially before I fall asleep at night. At the end of every day I stop and think about my life. I think about what I have been praying for, and how each step I take reveals more to me about the meaning, and significance, of my journey.

What do I pray for? Today, I pray for healing. I pray for past hurt to be removed from my heart so that I can be willing, and able, to receive love when it does come into my life. I pray for forgiveness, towards those who have wronged me, towards those that nearly destroyed me, and also towards towards myself. I pray that I continue to learn to love myself, because I am just beginning to believe how awesome I truly am. I need to be able to fully embrace this belief, that I am freaking awesome, in order to accept that kind of love from another. I give thanks, a million thanks, for the amazing friendships that life has blessed me with; and for my family that I would not be able to live without. I pray for patience, for guidance, and for grace.

I used to have a life plan. I used to have it all figured out. But then, in a million tiny ways and a few huge ones, the rug was ripped out from under me. I had to learn to change direction, to improvise, and to rebuild. In the most difficult of times, I had to hang on for dear life while the world spun around me. I had to learn to believe that I can become the woman I want to be. I had to learn that life won’t happen on any time, or on any terms, but life’s own. I learned that I have to work, work tirelessly, and in return the universe will work with me. 

I still make plans. I still get lost in daydreams. I still envision my life turning out a certain way. I also know that whatever I have planned usually won’t happen the way I think it should. I know that in the end, it will turn out better than I ever could have hoped for. I have complete faith in this. The key is to keep going, to embrace each day as it comes, and to laugh when things get turned upside down.

I hope that you enjoyed my thoughts on my faith, prayer, and letting go. I would love for you to share about how you navigate this thing we call life! 

xoxo

Sarah

The Single Girl Rant

Sometimes, being single gets old. When you hit your late twenties, if you’re not in a relationship, people seem to think something is actually wrong with you. Like the fact that you haven’t settled down yet indicates you’re damaged, or completely insane.The picture above is of a card that one of my single girlfriends sent me, and it perfectly sums up our struggle with dating.

I haven’t been in a serious relationship for over two years. In those two years, I have had the pleasure, and horror, of dating all kinds of kinds. There’s been good, and bad. Healing and hurtful. I even got to experience the first breakup after the heartbreak of my ex.

So, here are some highlights from my dating adventures over the last couple of years; may they bring all of the single women out there comfort and entertainment.  

Jimmy Neutron: I met him at the Stagecoach festival in 2012. For all of you who don’t know it, that’s the country music version of Coachella. Aka: one of the most awesome experiences of my life. He was tall, super smart (like Jimmy Neutron), handsome, polite, and had his shit together. Before he kissed me for the first time, he asked permission. I hadn’t seen that kind of respect, like, ever. Geographical distance and life circumstances kept us too far apart to ever get serious, but to this day I still think of him whenever Eric Church’s Springsteen comes on the radio.

The Psycho: This guy, unsatisfied with our platonic, years-long friendship, took his obsession with me so far as to attempt to pull off an elaborate catfish scheme. He operated under the ruse that he had a best buddy (who was traveling abroad) that would be my perfect match. The friend that he was “setting me up with” was actually him the whole time, disguised under fake Skype names and email accounts. It was elaborate.The sad part was, it worked. Until I figured it out. He manipulated my trust in the worst kind of way, and my mind is still blown at the lengths this psycho went to. It’s a special kind of insane I hope to never witness again. The silver lining: while traumatic at the time, this experience has made me stronger and a whole lot smarter. Added bonus: I can laugh about it now

Bunny. I met this gem on an Easter and it lasted nearly a year. On the day we met he was dressed in…wait for it…a Giant. Pink. Bunny. Suit. What can I say? It was a challenge and a gimme at the same time. The bigger challenge turned out to be getting this guy to show up, emotionally and physically. It was the most laid-back relationship I have ever been in. Luckily, it catered to my independence at a time in my life where I wasn’t prepared to be dedicated to anyone but myself. When he decided a boys’ trip to Vegas on Valentine’s Day was more important than spending any amount of time together…it was time to say a final buh-bye. Even I wasn’t cool enough to handle that one.

The Lawyer. Perfect on paper, I thought this guy could be “it”. We had a few fabulous first dates. This guy was good at heart, but I felt that he might have me on the fast-track to wife and I wasn’t sure if he liked me or the idea of me

The Tinder Fail. Okay, I admit it, I got desperate and tried Tinder. Well, desperate really isn’t the best word for it. Curious and bored are better adjectives. During one of my “to hell with it” moments, I agreed to a date with someone a few years my junior, who was in the area for some Air Force training. Let’s go ahead and check the yes box on the following red flags: younger than me, military, smooth talking, and selfie-loving. We spent an entire day together- this guy really came with the A-game on the charming front. Well, something just seemed weird to me about how throughout the day he was hot and cold. He would come on strong, then be obsessed with making sure I wasn’t going to get too attached and that I knew he was leaving. So, when I got home, I searched him on Facebook. What did I find? IN A RELATIONSHIP. With a very nice(and competent) looking blonde girlfriend. Asshole. Don’t ask me why I wasn’t smart enough to check him out before the date- suffice to say lesson learned and Tinder account deleted.  

What have I learned from all of this? Well, firstly, dating apps aren’t for me. Also, I learned how to be comfortable with just dating. Having fun, spending time with a new person, and getting to know them without wondering if they are my knight-in-shining-armor(see photo at top of post). I learned how to ask the right questions in order to avoid catastrophe and heartbreak later on down the road. Also, I now have an arsenal of pick-me-ups for any girlfriend that has a bad dating experience. After all, isn’t that what friends are for?

Do you have any dating tales or woes you would like to share here?

xoxo

Sarah